Floorboards

Welcome. This is a new series of unpublished poetry called Bloom: A season of grief and gratitude. The free introduction to this series is here. I hope these poems touch something inside your heart beyond words and weave a tapestry of connection between all of us. 💗

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Hello.

I wrote this poem less than a year after my Dad passed away. He was my cheerleader. The person I’d call when I needed to feel safe, my hiking buddy, airport ride, and dinner date. His goofy Dad jokes never failed to make me laugh; he knew how to lighten the mood without discounting the heaviness of my heart.

“My life is a sinkhole 
I said,
filled with loss 
and uncertainty
You are safe,
you said
Your life is held 
by a steady,
strong love”

When I bought my first house in a sketchy area of town, it was falling apart and needed more repair than I knew how to do on my own. I had a vision for the home it could become and my Dad was right by my side, ripping up old carpet, sanding the hardwood floors, putting in new windows, and fixing rusty pipes.

My Dad and I resanding the hardwood floors, 2018

When he died, I lost my biggest support. This poem is an acknowledgment of the fear and anxiety I felt in the throes of grief, not sure if I’d ever feel steady on my feet again.

Floorboards

The floor creaks 
beneath my feet
More than once
I took you into the basement
Together,
we inspected the beams
and crossbars 
the sinking and settling

My life is a sinkhole 
I said,
filled with loss 
and uncertainty
You are safe,
you said
Your life is held 
by a steady,
strong love

Like your hands
your words repaired
the leaky pipes,
patched the pain
and added shingles
to the roof of my brain
so when the floods came
I was warm and dry

You added wood 
to the fireplace,
kept the light going 
long into the night,
stoked the embers 
of my broken heart
and turned my face 
toward the sky

Now that your
bones are ash,
and body gone
what will I do 
if the floor caves in?

To hear me read “Floorboards” and share background on the inspiration behind it, please upgrade your membership to watch the video above and receive a new poem every Wednesday. If you’re unable to afford a subscription but would like to upgrade, send me an email and I will gift you a subscription. Please feel free to share this poem on social media or with a friend.