The Pattern Shop

Dear Readers, the full letter is for Founding Members but I wanted to share a little behind-the-scenes of what I’ve been working on with everyone. Founding Members receive a letter from me every Wednesday in addition to the Sunday newsletter. You can upgrade anytime :)

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Hello. On this trying-to-be-sunny Wednesday morning, I write to you from the floor of the nursery, sitting on my yoga mat. Noah is beside me on his dinosaur blanket, babbling and screaming. Yes, this is the week he has learned how to scream.

My coffee is cold and my hair static-y from the dry heat. I am trying to keep my heart open to waves of anger and frustration and grace. Forgiveness. Compassion.

Starting with myself, first.

This week I’ve been hard at work doing another round of revisions on The Pattern Shop before sending it back to an editor for review. It’s exciting and nerve-wracking. A new set of fears are showing up along with questions rooted in doubt.

This story is such a personal one, a story I’ve been working on telling and re-telling, integrating it into my body, trying to make sense of it all for almost a decade.

It’s a story I knew I had to release before I could create a new pattern with a different plot. Last July (2021), I completed a rough draft and sent it to some beta readers for feedback. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, even though the ten days I spent in a little Airbnb by myself in Arkansas finishing that draft were some of the most emotional and isolating.

(The video diary is day one of that experience).

Inside the Airbnb where I stayed for 10 days just writing…

There have been drafts since then and probably more to come but something about finishing that edit marked a turning point. I could feel it. Space opening up.

A few weeks later I met Prasunjit on a first date. We’d connected nine months earlier but I’d told him I was taking a short break from dating apps and social media to go on a desert road trip. Instead, a few days later my Dad suffered a heart attack and I never circled back to him.

Until that week I was in Arkansas finishing my book.

I did a lot of editing on this gorgeous porch!

I guess that tells you the power of stories in our lives. How the ones we hold onto can shape us, hold us back or propel us forward. How our identities can shift with our internal dialogue, how shedding outdated versions of ourselves can create a vacuum, allowing so much more than we might have imagined to flow in.

I have to trust that each step I take toward release will create opportunities for new beginnings. New identities and experiences. Another ring around the tree.

Since you are near and dear to my heart, I wanted to share a bit of the first opening pages of The Pattern Shop with you.