Rhythms of the heart

A meditation on the ups and downs of life

Hello.

Today is a slow-moving one. Another gray, rainy day, one that I tell myself will eventually give way to sunshine and daffodil blooms. Nick Drake is on the record player, the dishwasher humming in the kitchen. 

Wild daffodils near the Lake of the Ozarks, 2020

There are weeks I sit down to write this letter many times, leaving behind a trail of unfinished drafts and incomplete paragraphs. An attempt to find congruence, that sweet note of resonance within me that I hope will have the same effect on you. It hasn’t come easily this week, and that’s okay. 

Sometimes the best we can do is show up imperfectly; I hope this gives you permission to do the same. 

My body’s unwillingness to pick up the pace, to move a little faster, or feel more energized reminds me of a conversation I had a few years ago with my sister. We were talking over breakfast about the various challenges we’d experienced and agreed it had been a “valley” year. We were in a slump.   

For those of you who don’t know, I used to work as a nurse in the I.C.U. Which means I got very good at reading heart rhythms (a skill I still use, just in a different way). And it got me thinking about the peaks and valleys in an EKG. 

A healthy heart has both. It looks something like this:

This is what you want all of your patients to look like. We call this, “Normal sinus rhythm.”

On the other hand, if I saw something like this on the monitor, I’d go racing down the hall with the crash cart, expecting the worst.

This is V-tach, not a good sign. Someone’s about to get the paddles…

A life full of only peaks will not sustain itself for long. And a life of only valleys will soon flat-line into nothingness. 

This is a sign of no life. The best you can do is start compressions and hope the heart starts to show some signs of electricity.

We are our most alive and healthiest when we trust and allow the rhythm of our lives to include ups and downs. 

The more I tune into the natural rhythms of my body, the inhale and exhale of breath, the contracting and relaxing of my heart, the more I can accept the ups and downs of life. Recognizing the cycles of nature as mirroring my own, I can allow slower, low-energy days to be just that. Not a story about how I need to get more done or should be showing up a certain way. 

I doubt these plants worry about not being or doing enough.

I can honor all of it as a necessary part of being fully alive. Most importantly, I can trust that whatever season I’m in, it will likely change. Life will follow death. Spring will come again. The winters and valleys serve their own purpose.

Whether you are in a peak or valley moment, remember to care for yourself and each other. Rest. Put on some good lotion. Put on a record, if you have one. Call someone you love.

Later today, some friends are coming over for pizza and games. There’s a carrot cake to ice and some tidying to do. But for now, I am thinking of you, hand on my heart, honoring yours in all of its aliveness. 

Saturday morning bed-head, and all.

This week’s invitation:

1. Is there a way you can play with the dark and light in your art/life, integrating both?

2. Listen to one of your favorite songs. What do you notice about the pacing, the changes in tempo?

3. How can you tend to your body during the peaks? The valleys? 

4. What rhythms, routines, or cycles do you live by? How do they help you experience being fully alive? 

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