Resistance, burnout, and avoiding success
A meditation on staying curious and trusting my intuition
Just a little note to say keep an eye out this Monday at 11:11 CST for a special interview with Tamzin—the very first in a new “pathfinders” series where artists from all backgrounds share their story with you!
Hello.
I’ve been experiencing a bit of resistance lately. And, because I’ve promised to show up fully human in all of my messiness, I hope that processing it with you might somehow be of service.
So, what does resistance look/feel like? For me, it’s a lack of enthusiasm. Procrastination. Feeling “stuck” and not sure which idea or action step to take next.
For example, I know I need to send out more query letters (I sent out my first round following a one-a-day method that worked pretty well!), promote the monthly new moon gatherings, and post more consistently on my tarot Instagram page.
But right now, all I want to do is lie on a picnic blanket outside, gazing at the cloudless, cerulean sky.
Honestly, the energy just feels “off.” I don’t quite have the clarity I need, yet. My synopsis needs tweaking, the social media content I’ve made for the Creative Contemplation series isn’t quite right and none of it feels grounded.
While I’m learning to trust the ebb and flow of my creative practice, I’m also resisting what I know I need. Time to rest. To listen deeply. More hours outside in the sunshine.
My nervous system has gone through burnout on more than one occasion and is honestly still recovering. I have no desire to achieve success by following our culture’s recipe of sleeping less and working more. However, I haven’t fully integrated an alternative way. I am still learning how to build something without activating fight or flight mode.
Urgency is familiar, something my mind and body know how to respond to.
Trusting my intuition, listening to my body’s signals for rest, and prioritizing my well-being instead of my to-do list, are newer practices I’m still strengthening.
Yet they’re practices I know are vital for the kind of success I do want- a life of joy, presence, and generosity.
“It sounds like you’re afraid of not having clear boundaries,” my astute career coach commented after I went on about fearing a lack of time to focus on my writing AND tend to the other aspects of my life that are important to me- spending quality time with family, being outdoors, cooking healthy meals, hosting friends, etc.
I know that I can’t have it all at once. The elusive “balance” of life is probably an illusion. I get that. But living a lopsided life that leads to burnout is no longer an option for me. That much is clear.
Because I’ve operated from a place of boundary-less hustle to accomplish my goals in the past, I think part of me is resisting my future dreams. I don’t completely trust that I can achieve them from a different state of being—a calm, centered place of knowing my inherent worth and collaborating with Spirit.
Even typing that sentence feels wishy-washy. Nebulous. Intangible. Certainly, something I can’t control.
“Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise...As creative channels, we need to trust the darkness. ” - Julia Cameron
So, here I am, in the gap between now and where I want to be, leaning into the vulnerability and tension of resistance, hope, and fear. Instead of pushing or muscling through to the other side or creating from a lack of alignment, I can choose to take a breath and stay curious. Accept what is and stay present with the discomfort.
I can go easy on myself, take long sips from the well of grace and let the sunshine fall on my face, furrowed brow and all.
This week’s invitation:
Is there something you’re currently resisting? Are there practices that strengthen your trust in yourself, help ground you or offer clarity?
Are you subconsciously afraid of success? What might that fear be telling you?
Is there a project or situation you can collaborate with others (or Spirit) on? Maybe that collaborator is part of this community!
P.S. If my writing connects with you, please pay what you can or consider upgrading to a paid membership. Your gift of reciprocity means the world. Thank you.
All I can say is, if your urge is lie in the grass and gaze at the cerulean sky - DO IT! But your post seems to confirm that you know this already; it's time to rest, to listen to your body and your intuition, even if so often, our minds don't really like it. Our minds tell us to keep up the hustle, but the wisdom inside knows better. We just need to give space to the discomfort that arises when we follow it...