Rejection, trust and co-creating with Spirit
Some lessons are worth re-learning over and over
Hello.
If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while (or just know me in person), you might have gotten the idea that control, letting go, and trust are recurrent lessons in my life. You’d be right. I am strong-willed and determined at best, stubborn and arrogant at my worst.
I am still learning how to lean into the softer side of being human.
The past few weeks have been a doozy. Trying to navigate the housing market from several states away has tested our patience and created a lot of self-doubts. Should we lower our expectations? Downgrade our standards? Compromise for the sake of just making a freaking decision already?
After losing several dream homes in our ideal neighborhood, we widened our search, applying to houses we didn’t feel great about but weren’t awful. The sting of rejection without any explanation (“You’re strong applicants, it’s just a competitive market,” etc.), left us feeling defeated and somewhat desperate.
Against my better judgment (and after several error messages from the application and some run-around with the landlord), we applied for a less expensive house farther from our dream location.
Our application was immediately accepted but something didn’t feel right. Internally, I was still hesitating, wondering if it was the right choice, hoping we could stall a little bit longer before signing any paperwork. From past experiences, I know what a “Hell YES!” feels like. It is clear, confident, exciting, and yet strangely calming at the same time.
I didn’t feel any of those things about this house.
Maybe I need to learn how to act even when the waters are muddy? I questioned myself. Maybe the way isn’t always clear and we have to push forward anyway. Maybe I can’t trust what I really want.
It is so hard to want something and feel like it’s out of reach.
From applying to houses to sending query letters, going on first dates, trying to get pregnant, interviewing for your dream job, etc., there are so many situations where we might show up in life with our very best and the result we’re hoping for doesn’t come. Times when rejection doesn’t feel like redirection, it just hurts.
Opportunities missed, even when we’ve given it our all.
These are the moments when I struggle to trust– myself and life the most. Perceiving lack and failure, my anxiety tries to take the steering wheel. Veering wildly ahead, it just wants to get somewhere or make something happen.
How do I bridge the gap between those moments and surrender? How do I find my way back to trusting my intuition and my heart’s desires?
"Grace fills empty spaces, but it can only enter where there is a void to receive it, and it is grace itself which makes this void."
― Simone Weil
As a new mom in a new marriage, grace is my lifeline. It is the force that helps me surrender when it’s the last thing I want to do. It reminds me I don’t have to deserve or earn anything to be loved and supported by the Universe.
Grace is relief. It is the wisdom of life, believing in itself against all odds.
Grace lovingly embraces me when I fail without shame or judgment. It is rooting for me even when I’m my own harshest critic. It places obstacles in my path when I impatiently push ahead in pursuit of something not in my best interest.
After receiving the text that we’d been approved for our “compromise” house, I took a long walk to our neighborhood coffee shop. For almost an hour, I basked in the sun, noticed the plants and flowers in front yards, and did my best to soothe my nerves.
Once I settled into my seat (with a bacon cheddar scone AND chocolate chunk cookie), I got a text from someone who responded to our Facebook post about the type of housing we were looking for.
When she first commented, I honestly thought it was a scam. She left her number and I texted her anyway, thinking “What could it hurt?” I asked for photos and she said she was busy but would get back to me. Again, I figured it was nothing. But when she asked for my email to send pictures, I gave it to her.
Let me tell you…I almost started crying in the coffee shop when I saw them.
I had my HELL YES.
The house was in the perfect location, just within our budget, and hadn’t even been listed yet.
My whole body felt a rush of gratitude.
When I look back at the many moments grace has intervened in my life, I’m humbled and awe-struck. No matter how often I forget that I am co-creating this life with a higher power (call it whatever you want), grace never tires of reminding me of its presence and power.
Swooping in at just the right moment, in perfect timing (not usually my timing, mind you), grace over delivers on our dreams.
All of that to say…
We signed the lease and will be moving to Chattanooga September 1st!!
I can’t wait to share more of this new adventure with you. Thank you for being here and for all of the encouragement and love. I’m so honored to be part of this community.
I can’t wait to see what unfolds next!
This Week’s Invitation:
Is there a moment when grace swooped in and intervened in your life?
What helps you let go of control?
When have you had a clear HELL YES and felt it in your body?
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Isn’t it a hard concept? Especially after first learning about it from the Christian perspective, I find myself now tying to have a different relationship with grace.
And thank you! What is your favorite part about Chattanooga? We haven’t explored much and would love some recs! 💗
So delighted to read this today. I'm trying to hold my nerve in maintaining the void I've created for grace, but financial pressures are mounting and I'm unsure how much longer I can hold out. Your letter today gives me hope and the reminder that the perfect timing may not correlate with my idea of it. Also, your kid is adorable and I'm so happy you got your 'Hell Yes' House. Going to try a bit harder to find a way to hold myself in the wait/ seeking of my 'Hell Yes' job.x