I hope you can imagine me reading this at 6 am (silently) cheering you on. THISSSSS is part of what I want to scream on the rooftops. This is part of the reason I created the Mental Health and Motherhood Summit. This is why I find it tricky to tell people how I "cured" by chronic pain. Sure it was part inflammation management and unknown neck injury, but it was also a tidal wave of stress.
Yes, Chanel! I actually thought of you several times while writing this and your own journey with chronic pain/stress. It’s not like we can exactly separate our nervous systems from our bodies and the impact a tidal wave of stress has over time. It’s both/and, right?
What I WISH we were told more often is that it’s ok to need more help/resources/support and to start there first. So grateful for the work you’re doing on the Mental Health Motherhood Summit. I’m cheering you on too! 🙌
Thank you for writing this because I feel the same way. My kids are both in full time school now (k and 1st), but I felt really guilty keeping them in all day preschool after I transitioned from full time office work, but it is the only thing that allowed me to really focus on the creative work I had been putting off my entire life.
It’s also good for them because they started real school ahead of the curve with numbers and letters and social skills.
Thank you for sharing this! I’m not sure we really talk about the impact having young children and being the primary caregiver has on our nervous systems as accurately as we could. The self-blame and guilt are so real! Realizing we deserve to feel good in our bodies and pursue our own big dreams takes courage and I’m grateful to be walking a similar path with you! ☺️
While not a mother, I am an early childhood teacher. I cannot stress how important it is for children to have school in their routine. Children need variation and change, and school offers that in a safe, manageable way. They spend a few hours a day learning, playing, and socializing with many people, and then get to come home to comfort. Thank you for pushing yourself outside of the mentality that you need to do everything yourself, because that isn’t a sustainable lifestyle. The stress on your family has lowered, meaning you can’t focus more on growth and what your child really needs. Beautiful article.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Dia! And thank you for being a teacher. My family are all in the helping professions and I know how important and valuable that work is, even if it's not always recognized by society.
You're right that doing anything alone isn't sustainable. Thank you for that gentle reminder and affirmation.
Ooooh Mariah this has got me feeling all the feels. I feel many similarities and have been spending all of my money on everything to fix my stress and nervous system when I know that ultimately it’s the environment/setup that is the most inflammatory thing for my system. But I’m not quite able to find my way through it yet… your words give me hope. I think nearly 3 years into mothering two my system has bottomed out and I’m left with a lot less spark than I did have and it’s hard to see just how to navigate it all. I still struggle with the guilt even though I know it’s such a BS trick to make us feel small and less powerful. I’m so glad you have claimed this and I hope I can find my way to my own version soon. It’s definitely not balancing right now. Xxx
Hi Lauren, it seems we're navigating a parallel journey! There are so many nuances and layers to feel into. Be tender with yourself and your body. Guilt is such a huge part of this as mothers in our current system. One thing that might be helpful to ask, is "Who is the guilt serving?" "Who benefits from my guilt?"
Being able to have more time for myself has already improved my relationship with Noah and my capacity to be present. It's only been a few weeks, so I'm hoping this will continue to grow over time. Another gentle reminder is that you can always change your mind. If you make a different choice to re-arrange your support system or environment, and it's not working for you or the little ones, you can change it back. My grandmother said as women we have a right to change our minds and I hold onto that tightly!
Wishing you peace and solidarity as you navigate this. Here if you need extra support or just a listening ear from someone who gets it. 💗
Seriously! The phrase "it takes a village" is a saying for a reason. Our villages are gone but the workload is the same. Thank you for being vulnerable & sharing this. If we don't all have the choice (yet!) then we can at least validate & support one another in the hard.
Thank you for reading, Kaitlin! I'm glad (and also sad) it's resonating with so many. We may not have access to the full resources of a village we'd like to...but there are small ways we can cultivate those relationships. I think one of the first steps is being vulnerable and honest in a way that allows others to do the same. 💗
Wow, Mariah, we continue to have so many parallels in our journey! It's kind of wild. When did you make a cross-country move and to where??
Fiona also just started full-time preschool and it's been a HUGE relief. We deserve our time and our sanity and I am so excited for you to embrace that and more!
This is so relatable! I’m a SAHM and have been for 15 months, and I’ve been thinking (a lot) about finding some form of regular childcare . . . and yes, feeling very shame-y about it. Still don’t know what I’ll end up doing, but I really appreciate you putting words to all this.
Hi Breeann! I’m so sorry you’re feeling shame around getting more childcare support but it’s such a common response to our cultural conditioning! I’ve been struggling with this idea that everyone else is doing it without needing as much help as me and why do I need so much help? Etc. etc. I think the power in sharing our stories is peeling back the truth and realizing it’s hard—not because of a personal failing or “neediness” but because the structural support and resources to help us thrive while raising our little ones is either non-existent or very difficult to access…even if we can get beyond the shame gremlins to ask for help.
I’d love to be a brainstorming partner if you’d like some ideas about possible resources or want to talk through it at all! ☺️
Mariah, thank you for all of this! I struggle with that, too. I have friends who homeschool (which is great for them, but for me such a big no) and they have more kids than I do, etc. and I definitely can relate to wondering how they do it with seemingly less struggle. Shame gremlins!! Such a great term. Stealing that. Thank for you for that offer! I really appreciate you! 💜
I hope you can imagine me reading this at 6 am (silently) cheering you on. THISSSSS is part of what I want to scream on the rooftops. This is part of the reason I created the Mental Health and Motherhood Summit. This is why I find it tricky to tell people how I "cured" by chronic pain. Sure it was part inflammation management and unknown neck injury, but it was also a tidal wave of stress.
Yes, Chanel! I actually thought of you several times while writing this and your own journey with chronic pain/stress. It’s not like we can exactly separate our nervous systems from our bodies and the impact a tidal wave of stress has over time. It’s both/and, right?
What I WISH we were told more often is that it’s ok to need more help/resources/support and to start there first. So grateful for the work you’re doing on the Mental Health Motherhood Summit. I’m cheering you on too! 🙌
Thank you for writing this because I feel the same way. My kids are both in full time school now (k and 1st), but I felt really guilty keeping them in all day preschool after I transitioned from full time office work, but it is the only thing that allowed me to really focus on the creative work I had been putting off my entire life.
It’s also good for them because they started real school ahead of the curve with numbers and letters and social skills.
Thank you for sharing this! I’m not sure we really talk about the impact having young children and being the primary caregiver has on our nervous systems as accurately as we could. The self-blame and guilt are so real! Realizing we deserve to feel good in our bodies and pursue our own big dreams takes courage and I’m grateful to be walking a similar path with you! ☺️
While not a mother, I am an early childhood teacher. I cannot stress how important it is for children to have school in their routine. Children need variation and change, and school offers that in a safe, manageable way. They spend a few hours a day learning, playing, and socializing with many people, and then get to come home to comfort. Thank you for pushing yourself outside of the mentality that you need to do everything yourself, because that isn’t a sustainable lifestyle. The stress on your family has lowered, meaning you can’t focus more on growth and what your child really needs. Beautiful article.
Thank you for reading and sharing, Dia! And thank you for being a teacher. My family are all in the helping professions and I know how important and valuable that work is, even if it's not always recognized by society.
You're right that doing anything alone isn't sustainable. Thank you for that gentle reminder and affirmation.
Ooooh Mariah this has got me feeling all the feels. I feel many similarities and have been spending all of my money on everything to fix my stress and nervous system when I know that ultimately it’s the environment/setup that is the most inflammatory thing for my system. But I’m not quite able to find my way through it yet… your words give me hope. I think nearly 3 years into mothering two my system has bottomed out and I’m left with a lot less spark than I did have and it’s hard to see just how to navigate it all. I still struggle with the guilt even though I know it’s such a BS trick to make us feel small and less powerful. I’m so glad you have claimed this and I hope I can find my way to my own version soon. It’s definitely not balancing right now. Xxx
Hi Lauren, it seems we're navigating a parallel journey! There are so many nuances and layers to feel into. Be tender with yourself and your body. Guilt is such a huge part of this as mothers in our current system. One thing that might be helpful to ask, is "Who is the guilt serving?" "Who benefits from my guilt?"
Being able to have more time for myself has already improved my relationship with Noah and my capacity to be present. It's only been a few weeks, so I'm hoping this will continue to grow over time. Another gentle reminder is that you can always change your mind. If you make a different choice to re-arrange your support system or environment, and it's not working for you or the little ones, you can change it back. My grandmother said as women we have a right to change our minds and I hold onto that tightly!
Wishing you peace and solidarity as you navigate this. Here if you need extra support or just a listening ear from someone who gets it. 💗
Seriously! The phrase "it takes a village" is a saying for a reason. Our villages are gone but the workload is the same. Thank you for being vulnerable & sharing this. If we don't all have the choice (yet!) then we can at least validate & support one another in the hard.
Thank you for reading, Kaitlin! I'm glad (and also sad) it's resonating with so many. We may not have access to the full resources of a village we'd like to...but there are small ways we can cultivate those relationships. I think one of the first steps is being vulnerable and honest in a way that allows others to do the same. 💗
Wow, Mariah, we continue to have so many parallels in our journey! It's kind of wild. When did you make a cross-country move and to where??
Fiona also just started full-time preschool and it's been a HUGE relief. We deserve our time and our sanity and I am so excited for you to embrace that and more!
I'm excited for you, too! Relief is the EXACT word I've been using to describe it...like full-body relief. I'm still getting used to it!
We moved from Kansas City, MO to Chattanooga, TN. I think you're on the East Coast now? How is writing going for you now that you have more time?
This is so relatable! I’m a SAHM and have been for 15 months, and I’ve been thinking (a lot) about finding some form of regular childcare . . . and yes, feeling very shame-y about it. Still don’t know what I’ll end up doing, but I really appreciate you putting words to all this.
Hi Breeann! I’m so sorry you’re feeling shame around getting more childcare support but it’s such a common response to our cultural conditioning! I’ve been struggling with this idea that everyone else is doing it without needing as much help as me and why do I need so much help? Etc. etc. I think the power in sharing our stories is peeling back the truth and realizing it’s hard—not because of a personal failing or “neediness” but because the structural support and resources to help us thrive while raising our little ones is either non-existent or very difficult to access…even if we can get beyond the shame gremlins to ask for help.
I’d love to be a brainstorming partner if you’d like some ideas about possible resources or want to talk through it at all! ☺️
Mariah, thank you for all of this! I struggle with that, too. I have friends who homeschool (which is great for them, but for me such a big no) and they have more kids than I do, etc. and I definitely can relate to wondering how they do it with seemingly less struggle. Shame gremlins!! Such a great term. Stealing that. Thank for you for that offer! I really appreciate you! 💜