Forgetting to take my medicine
And other "I don't have my shit together" confessions
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Lately, I’ve been feeling a sort of dissonance.
Between the me who writes this newsletter and me who consistently forgets to take her medicine.
Let’s be real. I’m a nurse and a certified health coach. And I still manage to miss taking my morning anxiety medicine at least 25% of the time. That’s not a good compliance rate. What if I told you I even have TWO alarms that go off every day, reminding me to take it?
Do you know what happens? I hit the snooze button. And then…forget again.
I feel like this is a metaphor for my self-care lately.
Simone Seol is a marketing guru I’ve been listening to (she is loud and fierce and not-so-apologetic which I love) who talks about congruence a lot. I’m still learning how to embody it but I think for me, in this context, it means practicing what I preach.
Which is why I wanted to come clean with you.
How can I write about Grace and play and staying present during the holidays when I am not taking my own advice? How can I remind you to fill your cup before pouring it out if I’m not doing the same?
A long time ago, I had a friend who I thought knew me well, express surprise when I told her how things were really going. My parents were in the middle of a difficult divorce, I was suffering from depression and suicidal ideations, my sisters were dealing with their own struggles…and our childhood home had recently caught on fire.
I remember her reaction so clearly, “I thought you had this perfect family. I mean, you seem like you always have your shit together.”
It was such an aha moment for me. I realized I never wanted anyone to think that about me ever again.
Because perfection isn’t real. And the mirage of “having your shit together” can be really lonely. For you and whoever believes it to be true.
Honestly, I’ve been struggling. Snapping at my kind, patient, hands-on husband way more than I mean to. Feeling resentful. Putting my body on the back burner. Saying yes to please others instead of choosing me, first.
I share this, not to throw a pity party but with the hope that it might make you feel less alone.
My suspicion is that you are also imperfect, messy, and vulnerable. Life is hard. When we’re honest about that, when we show up authentically with all of our flaws and gaps between who we are and who we want to be, it allows others to do the same.
And that is a gift.
If you need a reminder, I love you. You are love.
Do you have your own “I don’t have my shit together” confession? Write it on a post-it-note or a poem. Paint it, sing it, shout it to the world!*
Take a chance, be brave and comment below!
P.S. Don’t forget to connect with others in this week’s chat!
*If you’re inspired to create something from any of the prompts in the newsletter and would like to share, check out our monthly art share, happening on the 1st of every month!
I also am horrible at taking my meds sometimes for nerve pain, thyroid, Vitamins. I have reminders that I glance at, think to go back to and forget. It has been getting better lately. I am amazed that I have to force myself to be mindful. To take care of myself. I blame it on my MS brain but sometimes I think it is just in my blood to put myself last. My husband is the same way and oh what a pair we make! (In a good way!)
Thank you for your honest, vulnerable admissions! I, too, try to present as if I have my shit together, but really, I’d rather people know the true me instead. Appreciate this reminder today. ❤️